I'm a millionaire and had a rift with a family member over a $1,000 loan. It wasn't about the money.
Original story by: Business Insider
Last updated: Oct 23, 2025
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- Context: A financial therapist shares her personal experience lending money to a family member, highlighting the emotional complexities involved. Despite her professional expertise, the situation brought to the surface feelings of guilt and dread, underscoring the potential for money to complicate relationships.
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- Detailed Summary:
- Joy Slabaugh, a financial therapist specializing in wealth alignment, recounts lending $1,000 to a relative.
- She experienced guilt due to financial disparity and dread about potential relationship complications.
- To protect the relationship, she formalized the loan with a written agreement outlining interest and principal repayment terms.
- Internally, she mentally treated the loan as a gift to avoid resentment if it wasn't repaid, though she did not communicate this to her relative.
- She also grappled with the fear of enabling unhealthy behavior but was too consumed by guilt to address it honestly.
- The relative made the first interest payment but then stopped, leading to months of silence.
- Slabaugh, having mentally reframed the loan as a gift, did not pursue repayment aggressively.
- A year later, the relative apologized, cited personal issues, and eventually repaid the loan in full, explaining their silence was due to shame.
- Slabaugh realized her internal framing (gift) contradicted her external actions (loan), creating mixed signals and emotional strain.
- She now advises clients to clarify the underlying emotions and reasons behind lending money, not just their financial capacity.
- The key takeaway is to address personal emotions and ensure clarity and honesty in financial dealings with loved ones to prevent hidden resentments and damage to relationships.
- Years later, the relationship with the relative is positive, with no further financial agreements made.
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